Caught Stealing is a 2025 American dark comedy crime thriller film, apparently (but I will come back to the apparently shortly). It was directed by Darren Aronofsky from a screenplay by Charlie Huston, based on his own novel. It had its world premiere on August 7, in some cinema in Puerto Rico and was released in the UK (and in the United States) on August 29.

Hank Thompson (Austin Butler) is an alcoholic bartender living in New York; his girlfriend Yvonne (Zoë Kravitz) works as a paramedic nearby. Hank’s British punk neighbour Russ (Matt Smith) has to return to London to see his dying father, leaving Hank to care for his cat. Two Russian mobsters searching for Russ beat Hank so badly that he loses a kidney – but don’t worry he is back on his feet doing lots of running and fighting in a couple of days. Then a policewoman and a couple of Hasidic Jews join in the hunt. There follows lots of double-crossing, cars driving fast, people getting shot, and so on. There is no real attempt at characterisation, and the plot is ludicrous.

So, back to the description: dark comedy? Well there were a lot of dead people, so I guess it was dark, but for me it simply wasn’t funny enough to be called a comedy. Crime? I will give it crime, as much of what the film contains is against the law (as, in my opinion, charging people to see the film should also be). Thriller? No – I was not thrilled – I was so very bored. I just wanted it to stop.

I am sure there are people who like this sort of nonsense but for me it was just relentless rubbish. I did not believe in any of the characters – although most of them weren’t around long enough for me to form much of an opinion – they kept getting shot.

Caught Stealing is everything I hate about American cinema – I really wouldn’t bother going.